Mommy really wanted to make it through Christmas sharing all your wonderful stories. Afterall, you are my favorite subject and I could talk about you endlessly. With each day, with each post it has gotten more and more difficult not to just stop and say that my heart is broken. I miss you like crazy. I miss our WONDERFILLED life. I miss needing to wake up early, I miss shoveling the snow on the hour to ensure a clear path to your side of the van, I miss your sweet song, I miss snuggling with you, I miss it all.
I knew that Santa wasn't visiting our house this year but I had know idea how hard this would be. I miss shopping with you for all the people on your list. I miss seeing your excitement when you shared a gift. I've been filling the Red Kettles for you. Last week it was so hard to go in the store and pass by things I knew you would enjoy. I will not allow myself to memorialize your grave site. Yes, I tend to it each month but that is not where I will pay honor to you. You are in the hearts of everyone who heard your message. You are in the smiles that come to people faces when they speak of you. You are in my mind, my soul, my every breath. You are in the postings on this Blog. But I had to get you something. I got you a *bling bling* wreath and added lights and golden butterflies.
People ask if I am okay? I have to believe that I am or will be. But Sweet Girl, this THIS will never be okay. Tyra you are the Love of my Life. You continue to be my teacher, my barometer, my JOY.
My mind goes back to this time last year. We were home, together. You were feeling well - TPN & all. The last photos I have of you were taken Christmas morning.
So my Angel , I'll return to your story tomorrow. For tonight I just have to say, I miss you, I miss us.
You were meant to be a mommy... Tyra and you have such a beautiful story! Love ya lisa
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