Saying goodbye...

"I am so proud of you"
"You have always done your very best"
"It is going to be okay sweet girl"
"Mommy loves you so much"

From my arms to his -
Don't be afraid, just spread your wings and fly.

Unemployment...

In the 23 months since Tyra died I have been troubled by a particular question. The question comes in various forms and from an assortment of people. What is a spoken question really but a string of words? The words are not really the issue - it is what I had believed the meaning behind the words to be. So here is the question in one of it's forms...

 Are you going to get another child?

The get part is still a bit bothersome as I type this morning even with my new perspective on the meaning of these words. Have would be more palatable of a word but I suppose I did not in fact have Tyra so the use of get is understandable.

Anyway, on to the meaning. Up until this morning, 5:20ish to be exact, what I perceived the meaning of these words to be, was heartbreaking. The conversation went like this:

Questioner : "Are you going to get another child?"
 (insert broken heart) 

Me (often unspoken) : "Goodness are you suggesting Tyra to be replaceable?" "What do you mean get another child? She wasn't a puppy or a pair of shoes" "How could I dream of getting another child?"

This morning I thought perhaps the question is less about Tyra and more about me...

Maybe the inquiries are related to the clear happiness and joy I displayed in parenting Tyra?

I've always said being Tyra's mom was my most favorite vocation.

Perhaps people think I was good at my job?

JOB - I'd do anything to have my old job back but this is not an option. I wasn't fired. I didn't quit. It's certainly not an issue of loyalty (I'm a Company-Girl if ever there was one). The thing is my employer relocated. I have been provided with an awesome severance package; 17 years of amazing memories & adventures, incredible on the job training, and an indispensable set of skills that are certain to benefit my new boss.   

So, while the federal government discusses extending unemployment benefits I am excited about the prospect of going back to work. I must now pray for patience with the hiring process.