Go ahead and SKIP!!!

Tonight while on my walk. The walk that I know brings me in such close connection with Tyra. Our countless treks most certainly responsible for some wearing of the ground upon which I stepped this evening. I had the urge to skip. This urge is not uncommon to me. Truth be told I believe it is my true nature to skip and for this I am so grateful. I encourage you to try it some time. I've never witnessed a solemn skipper :-)

My sweet girl had a special skip of her own. Tyra took great high steps while physically supported. I smile with the memory of how she would walk (skip) when excited. Her legs would get going so fast and so high that her feet remained off the floor more than on. This was not pratical for serious ambulation and might have been frowned upon as 'lack of motor control' by clinicians. I say might because you could not frown when witnessing this JOY exude from my girls entire being. Her JOY was truly contagious.

Tonight I did not skip when the urge came. Tonight I was concerned that someone might spot me. That I might be observed as .... That I might not present as ....

When I entered the apartment after squelching the urge to skip in order to be observed as ... to present as... I remembered a favorite poem by Hafiz.

“TRIPPING OVER JOY

What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?

The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God

And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move

That the saint is now continually
Tripping over Joy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying, “I Surrender!”

Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think
You have a thousand serious moves.”   


So... If you happen to see me skipping along no need to call the men in white to take me away. I urge you to just smile with the recognition that I am "Tripping over JOY" (^hers^ & mine)

LIFE...

Some reference the Ups & Downs...

Mr. Matthews - make that Dave - sings about it in
'Funny the Way It Is' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2mFDTTWqOU

The spiritual path I follow speaks of Joys & Sorrows...

LIFE - so full... of this all

I was perhaps most struck by the Joys and Sorrows on March 6th of this year. On the night marking  the 3rd anniversary of Tyra's death I was planning the celebration of...

Princess Giana's 3rd Birthday.

Giana and her mom, Shelonda, have brought great JOY into recent months. They have both allowed me to reach into my 'Mom bag' and it has been wonderful.

Three years ago as I was filled with sorrow preparing to bury my child, Shelonda was preparing to greet this bundle of JOY. 

 "Funny the way it is when you think about it..."

Tonight, I too am reminded of the Joys & Sorrows. Tonight, at about this time, my sweet girl would be making her way across the stage during her High School graduation. I wrote about the sorrows of this year here  http://luvinty.blogspot.com/2011/08/back-to-school.html

Amidst the sorrow of today there is JOY to be found. JOY to be found inside Tyra's High School yearbook. JOY to be found in the countless number of friends that might have thought to have her remembered on these pages. JOY to be found in having a friend who did. JOY to be found in the friends who made it possible for me to have this treasure at my side as I type this entry. JOY to be found in Tyra's certain giggle as I searched the book to find this surprise.

JOY in her loving memory... 

HIDE & SEEK...

Tyra's earliest nickname was "SUNSHINE". I sang this tune to her regularly and together the two of us enjoyed countless hours in the great outdoors.

It comes as no surprise that I sense Tyra's presence most often through nature's gifts. The past few days have provided me with wonderful sightings and the most JOYfilled new game.

With the early arrival of spring-like conditions most of our trees have displayed their glorious blossoms and are now in the cycle of dropping petals.

Most but not all...

This tree is a late bloomer. This tree is shaded from the direct sun for most of its day. This tree greets me each morning as I open the front blinds. This tree serves as a playground for Tyra's friends and this tree provides a sheltering presence for her treasured creation.

I keep a close eye on this tree.Yesterday when I returned home from my evening walk I spotted this.

I was instantly filled with JOY and greeted this gift with an audible "Well, there you are". Along with that statement came even greater JOY with thoughts of HIDE & SEEK.

I've mentioned before that surprising others was not Tyra's strongest suit. She could not contain her JOY and her laughter was a give away that something more was to come. This held true for games of HIDE & SEEK. Oh, the JOY in her giggle. 

This morning I was able to venture out for a bike ride during which Tyra & I played the most amazing game of HIDE & SEEK. I saw her everywhere and as I rounded a curve in the road I felt myself wanting to exclaim "Ready or not here I come!" Her signature colors of princess pink, diva purple, and of course sunshine yellow were splashed throughout the 24 miles.

 and if a period of time passed without a sighting I needed only look

to the blue (not quite Tiffany) sky.

I'm looking forward to playing again real soon...

"Ready or not here I come!"

Celebrating LIFE!!!!!

Good Morning Birthday Girl!

   Mommy is celebrating a little differently this year. I know you played a role in getting me to this place - sending signs along the way. I know you understand. I know it is what you want for me too. So Kiddo people can share in the wonderful, joyfilled images of Birthdays past http://luvinty.blogspot.com/2010/02/birthday-at-onetruemediacom_26.html
What I truly hope they see both for me and for themselves is the JOY in the present.

    It is truly in your honor that I acknowledge all the beauty of this day. The JOYS, the LOVE, the LIFE that I celebrate. Over the past 3 years Mommy has not used the camera but I have captured  wonderful images with my phone. I used to think some of the 'magical' references people made about loved ones sending them messages from Heaven were ... well... a bit kooky. Sweet girl, I've gotten your messages. I've shared the beauty of a special flower - the one that hung on from Mother's Day through Thanksgiving. I've thanked you for sending rainbows and for opening my eyes to the power of the Sun and the Moon. I've witnessed the love of friendships, old & new. The people that think of us, that speak of you, that support me - I am so very blessed by it all. A bit overwhelmed at times.

   Kiddo, Mommy is doing okay. Each day is a Birthday  to be celebrated. This is how we lived together and I am so very grateful to be returning to this place of celebration.

Last night your fella and I enjoyed a wonderful performance and sent you wishes.

In his words "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOO-DEE-FULL!"

Indeed, Happy Birthday Beautiful!

                                                                                                           Love,

                                                                                                                 Mommy

THIS vase...

Two years ago I wrote about 'Waking Up'  http://luvinty.blogspot.com/2010/02/waking-up.html

THIS morning I am awake and 'Waking Up' more and more with the recognition of each precious moment.

That morning had been represented by many things, one of which was THIS vase.

THIS vase contained the flowers I had delivered to Tyra at duPont on what was to be her final Valentine's Day. She hadn't been well enough for me to sneak off to get her something so I had these delivered to our well-appointed room on 3F. That morning - THIS vase was loaded into a wagon by our very kind 3F family for our journey to the PICU. I had wanted to leave our room as it was, with the belief that we would surely be returning. That wagon - THIS vase had come to represent a very painful trip.

I recently began making plans for a volunteer trip to Thailand. My affinity for this country, its people, and its customs has grown over the years. During her sixth grade year, Tyra and her group-mates chose Thailand as the country they would present on in their World History class. They spent the semester doing research and of course Tyra and I included a little shopping trip for accessories...

I pulled this collection out recently and had such great memories of this project. Tyra was in her glory with the amazing girls in her group under the guidance of their wonderful teacher. As part of the assignment the girls reenacted a much loved Thai festival...

They constructed beautiful krathongs and sang a traditional song. Tyra using her Dynavox. I am so fortunate that the Loy Krathong festival will be celebrated during my time in Thailand this fall. I have such Joy in the idea of constructing and floating a krathong with my sweet girl guiding its path.

I also have great JOY in

 THIS vase on THIS morning... 

   

  

Life Insurance...

I came upon this video... more on that story soon. It is a Thai commercial for Life Insurance.  I was not searching for Life Insurance but am so grateful for the "guaranteed compensation" (the definition of insurance) available to me each day if I only make myself open and available to it. The children clearly 'sang' to me. I recognized the Love in the eyes of their mothers and the Joy in the presence of Que Sera Sera "whatever will be will be".

~LIMITLESS JOY & BOUNDLESS LOVE~

In honor of the immeasurable compensation

 this Life provides me daily -

I give THANKS.  

OPEN EYES & SO MUCH LOVE...

My good friend shared this earlier. It has been on my mind and in my heart ever since. I am so very grateful for Eyes that are Open, a Heart able to be Filled, the true Smile, and so much Love...

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
 or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
... Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.” 

  -- David Harkins