NO - NO - NO & NO!

The answer to some of the questions people have asked since Tyra died is...  NO!

NO, I have not "gotten another child". A woman really asked me that today and to make it worse, she wasn't the first. Do people ask this/think this because Tyra was not of my flesh? Is it because she had special needs? Who knows why, but for the record. I can not imagine loving anyone more than I loved Tyra not even if she came from my womb, rib, or carried my genetic marker. Tyra and I were meant to be together. I fought to be her mother. She was not a child of the system. She was MY CHILD, MY PRECIOUS ANGEL, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!

TODAY I KISSED AN ANGEL

I KNEW IT FROM THE START

THE FIRST TIME MY ANGEL SMILED AT ME

I GAVE AWAY MY HEART

TODAY I KISSED AN ANGEL

THIS ANGEL CHILD OF MINE

THOUGH NOT OF MY CREATION
MY CHILD

BY GODS DESIGN

TODAY I KISSED AN ANGEL

MY HEART IS DANCING WILD

A FAMILY BY A MIRACLE BLESSED BY

MY ANGEL CHILD

NO, I am not happy "she is in a better place". Sorry God, but things were really quite good down here. Tyra had very few bad days. Her life/our lives were filled with joy and amazing adventures.

NO, I do not have some sense of freedom as implied by those who have said "You can do whatever you want now".  I was doing exactly what I wanted, thank you very much. Life with Tyra was easy, never a chore, certainly never a burden. It is without her that I am bogged down, at a loss, with little direction. Just the other day while I walked precariously on the snow I recounted how surefooted I was in the same situation while carrying Tyra on my hip. We climbed flights of stairs together that might now render me short of breath. I wanted nothing more than to parent her forever. 

& NO, I'm not "over it". Thankfully, no one has asked me this. I sometimes worry that people think it, that people are waiting for me to feel better. I don't know that this gets better. I do believe that it will get different.    

I found the following poem some time ago on another site and boy does it ring true 

PLEASE - don't ask me if I'm over it yet. I'll never be "over it."

PLEASE - don't tell me she's in a better place. She isn't here.

PLEASE - don't tell me to get on with my life. I'm still here, you'll notice.

PLEASE - don't ask me if I feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that "clears up."

PLEASE - don't tell me that "God never makes a mistake" or it was "God's will."

You mean he did this on purpose?

PLEASE - don't tell me "at least you had her for _17_yrs."

What year would you choose for your child to die?

PLEASE - Just say you are sorry.

PLEASE - Just say you remember her, if you do.

PLEASE - Just let me talk if I want to.

PLEASE - Just let me say her name without turning away or changing the subject.

PLEASE - Just let me cry when I must.

THANK - YOU