BLESSINGS...

A friend recently shared that she was taking her young boys to the Science Center in Baltimore. Tyra and I had some fun trips there over the years. I'll always remember Uncle Bruce laying down on 'The Bed of Nails' for her twisted pleasure. There was very little (actually I can't think of anything) Uncle Bruce wouldn't do to get a smile from our sweet girl. Aunt Randy was a good sport too and didn't cringe terribly when we repeatedly pressed buttons for body function sounds :-)

My girl and her interest in body functions. She had the best sense of humor. Everyone Poops, The Gas we Pass, and Walter the Farting Dog were frequent reads in our home. Of course there was also the strategically placed Whopee cushion or fake vomit. Our poor nurses we definitely kept them on their toes.

I've been encountering 'new' people lately. People who will never have the Blessing of physically meeting Tyra on this side of Heaven. The telling of her death is usually greeted with sad faces and expressions of sympathy. I appreciate that others are sorry to learn of my loss. Oh, but I BEG that no one feels sorry for me. I in fact think envy would be a more appropriate response. To have had and still carry a LOVE like ours and to have so many other great loves and experiences in my past and present I assure you I have been BLESSED beyond measure.

One of our favorite trips to the MD Science Center was to take in the touring Grossology exhibit. Tyra was in her glory. The picture below is of us posing in the nostrils of an interactive nose. (How fun is that?) Well, the customary response when one sneezes is to say "God Bless You"

My reply...

"Thank-you, He already has"

BOOM!!!

The explosions have woken me up early at the realization that today is...

the first 4th of July I have spent in many, many years (close to 2 decades) without either of my girls. I am the first to point out that I carry them in my heart and that Tyra is surely always with me but at this moment their absence from our home has me a bit shellshocked. Oh, how I miss our family.

"I bet Tyra is asking God how she looks in her outfit"

I know two postings in one week.Wonder is best when shared - so share I will. Today I had an amazing conversation with a friend (client). Our time together was not scheduled and in fact we ended up in each other's company due to an 'error' on the part of his driver. Well, an 'error' unless you acknowledge the role of a higher power.

On to the conversation. We were walking (he was rolling) across campus making small talk when he says "Miss Nicole I really miss Tyra". They grew up around each other. Tyra had a bit of a crush on him which he was aware of. She always had a special smile for him. I acknowledged that I too missed Tyra but that I felt she was still with me and recounted her JOY.

He went on to say "You know I never told you this before but other than my mom Tyra was the person I could always count on to make me smile." "I used to look out for her at camp, even though she didn't talk I knew what she was trying to tell the staff and I would let them know." I thanked him and shared that I always felt that he 'looked out' for her. Then he shared how "heartbroken, and stunned" he was when Tyra died.

"Miss Nicole, when I lay in bed at night I look up to heaven and I know I'll see her again one day" "That will be nice" "I bet she is asking God how she looks in her outfit." I chuckled, what an image my Diva in the mirror of God.

"Miss Nicole I know sometimes I talk in circles" Me - "No you don't you talk from your heart. I wish more people did that." "Well, Miss Nicole, I want you to know that if you ever want to talk about Tyra. You can talk to me. I'll always listen." We reached his destination and shared a wonderful hug.

These are just  few of the highlights of the conversation. I can not put into words the feelings, the energy that was present. This young man, my friend, dependent on others for some of the most basic of needs offered himself so freely and purely to me. I have been tearful (in a great way) ever since.
I pray that I can live in such a way to be worthy of the amazing gifts I continue to receive.

Coincidence???

A coincidence is said to occur when ..."something uncanny, accidental and unexpected happens under conditions named, but not under a defined relationship."

I have been inundated lately with a number of occurrences.

On June 8th, I realized that June 6th had come and gone. What did that mean? Well, on the 6th of each month, except February 2010 when there was a snow induced state of emergency, I visit Tyra's grave site. I missed it, how did that happen? Instead of becoming guilty over this I recognized that my 'shift' in the focus on Tyra's life as opposed to her death was now evident in these visits too. The 6th is a single date - Tyra's life is an ongoing legacy. I did visit her site later in the month and the following day I received an email from one of our duPont friends describing Tyra's Diva Bear that hangs at the front of the unit
 "... is never turned around the right way, and whenever she does turn around, we know that she is there. She has been turned around for the past two weeks....she is always looking over 3F. She (and most definitely you too!!!) will never be forgotten."

                        COINCIDENCE??? I don't think so.

Last week I shared the following post with a new friend

 http://luvinty.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-think-i-can-i-think-i-can.html 

This posting talks of the role our wonderful friend Hilje played in our lives. Hilje not only supported Tyra's quests to "Climb Hills"  she also assisted in Tyra's healing from orthopedic procedures and witnessed the healing of our family during some complex custody issues. Hilje was our last friend to visit with Tyra on this side of Heaven. She has moved out of state and we had not connected in many months. Two days after sharing this posting, Hilje called. We had an amazing talk and I was able to share of my own healing and the JOY that has been returning to my life.

COINCIDENCE??? I don't think so.

Today I attended a workshop on meditation and awakening. Being in the company of likeminded people is such a good feeling. Today those good feelings were multiplied. One of the exercises involved gathering in groups of 3 and sharing of a current relationship struggle. The first person in my group was a women who shared about a situation with her 20 year old physically disabled step-daughter. I was able to relate so clearly with her situation and she sought me out again later in the day. What are the chances that in a setting of over 100 people we would be sitting next to each other?

 COINCIDENCE??? I don't think so.

There was a profound listening exercise as well today in which you were to write on an index card a relationship experience that has deeply affected you. You then shared your writing with 5 people, one at a time, with the listener reflecting back to you a statement beginning "I imagine you felt..." I debated for a moment sharing of Tyra's death as I have never wanted anyone to imagine the death of a child. My heart lead me to the put the following on my index card

"My daughter, Tyra, lived joyfully for 17 years with Cerebral Palsy. Two years ago, after a brief period of illness, she died of an untreatable metabolic disorder".

More often than not the reflection noted that Tyra lived with JOY (yes, that is her message). Afterall, we are all going to die.

I pray for myself and those I love that we too can say we LIVED!

On my ride home I intended to walk the path along the Bay that Tyra and I so enjoyed together. As I crossed the bridge it appeared as though it might rain. I stopped anyway and proceeded to have a wonderful trek along our much loved path. This is what greeted me when I reached the end...

COINCIDENCE??? I don't think so.

I am so very grateful to be LIVING and LOVING this life.

I am beyond thankful for...

 eyes that can see and a heart that can hear.

Without words...

"Without words but with so much to say" this was a quote I used so often in describing Tyra. Well, tonight I am in good company.

Yesterday, during lunch with an old friend and a new one I was presented with this scrapbook. The book is filled with LOVE and the pages share the story of a fabulous adventure. The story itself extends well beyond the cover as

 "Hers is a story without a The End"

I have so much to say but am working to find the words to do it justice. Until I do, I will say that I am grateful beyond measure for the continued gifts Tyra has sent my way.

A FULL MOTHER"S DAY...

Motherhood is FILLING. I once saw the following quote on a site related to children with extra-ordinary needs.

"If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart"

Tyra continues to FILL my heart each day. She sends daily gifts and blessings my way for which I am so grateful.

On this Mother's Day I think of my own Mom, who died when I was 12. She loved being a mother. Although our time together was short, she taught me so much about the JOY of motherhood.



FULL HANDS - FULL LAPS - FULL HEARTS

I believe my mom has enjoyed holding Tyra. Thank-you Tyra for gifting my Mom with a FULL lap.

Today, I also think of Chelle, Tyra's birth mother. I imagine Tyra is filling her heart as they are catching up on missed time. In the past 26 months I've had some troubling thoughts of jealousy over their time together. Today I am assurred that Tyra has more than enough love to go around. When we all meet again I trust we will share in our JOY and the FULLness Motherhood provides. Thank you Chelle for creating such an amazing daughter.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom - Happy Mother's Day, Chelle -

Happy Mother's Day to Mother's everywhere!

Seeing, Hearing, Touching, Feeling, & Believing...

Oh, what a difference a week can make - or for that matter a day or a moment. The BEEPing has ceased and I must share that I have seen, heard, touched, and felt Tyra intimately this week. No fears I am not hallucinating :-) I have been honored to spread her JOY in some tangible ways this week and in the planning alone came so in touch with her spirit. Her kind, generous, pure nature. My little Buddha.

As I have awoken each more I greet her and the day with an audible "Good Morning". When the sun rises, a breeze blows, or a star shines I thank her. I pause to take in the beauty of each moment. I am in Love with this Life. At night there is a solar powered rock outside my patio door that has flickering butterflies above it. It shines on the handprint stone she created many years ago. As the lights begin to fade for the evening I tell her "Good Night" and I thank her again for this day. Some might find these thanks misdirected - I however am at peace with the direction and take comfort that Believing is what matters.

This morning I ended my walk with a diversion through the Zoo. The Zoo is sometimes an emotionally difficult place for me to visit. Today, I sensed how okay walking the path would be. I removed my headphones and I took in all the sights and sounds. I saw Tyra in the magnificent life - both plants & animals.

I felt her in the breeze and touched her as I rested my hands around the Sloth hanging bar that she so joyfully would cling to as we walked through together. I heard Tyra in the songs of the birds and then most profoundly in this statement...

As I stood at our favorite Otter exhibit a little boy of about 4 years old ran up. He was full of excitement and joy as he watched the Otters play. He exclaimed

"When I grow up I want to be an Odder!"

The double tt was obscured but it made the sentiment all the much sweeter. Oh, to be an Odder - to play, enjoying each moment and all the while bringing JOY to others.

A pretty awesome aspiration if you ask me.

May we all have Odder- filled days :-)